Monday, February 18, 2008

Almost Spring Cleaning

My mind is a big jumbled mess and I feel like cleaning.

This long weekend we're cleaning the house, making lists, getting organized, etc. I hope this post doesn't become incoherent blabber but *warning*, it might. Thinking of the future, thinking of moving on and of moving, period. We've been telling more people about our upcoming plans and dealing with their reactions. J started talking with a counselor who talked about the grieving process and how it is not like a death thing, but more of recognizing the good in an experience and coming to terms with leaving that behind. We love where we are, but we know that we're ready to move on. It's not a progressive place in many ways, in fact it is very stagnant right now, and we are not. We could be, but we're not.

I am somewhat saddened that our children won't be able to attend school there for the next 3 years, but we might have the chance to return; then again, we might move on and realize we're done. Homeschooling is looking good to me some days, as long as A and I can get along. I'm hoping without the influence of some of the kids at school, her attitude will improve. She's just so testing all the time right now (and I know that's her job as a 3 year old) and it drives me crazy, and she knows it drives me crazy so that just makes it worse, and I feel like everyday is a mental workout dealing with her (and trying to outsmart her!), it's really freaky because I recognize so much of myself in her and I know what she's doing because I did it too. Comes back to bite ya huh?

Wow, I am rambling but it feels good to "clean". J, the pyro-husband, is burning right now, perhaps his way of "cleaning" (purging). We're both feeling restless and excited but having to balance that with feeling some sadness and this new idea of grief. There is no guilt though, none at all (this was a word that was offered to us, but we're not feeling it): we've put in our time and have made positive changes, now it's time to move on.

No comments: